I’m going to make this baby long, bitter, and flat. I mean, short, sweet and to the blah-blah-blah.

Rule Number One: Everyone with a promising future in the field of Science must be required to figure out a way to invent an actual, working lightsaber. Get George Lucas to oversee the project, and raise Albert Einstein from his grave in order to help. I’m sure Lucas and Einstein could get it done, even if one of them is an undead. Actually, attempt to make the entire team undead/realive. They would make perfect test dummies if and when they actually make this a reality.

Rule Number Two: Everyone with a terrible future in the field of Medicine needs to be required to enter said field. With the influx of complete buffoons trying to cure cancer, there’s bound to be one that accidentally creates the Zombie virus. Release it, and bring on the Zombie Apocolypse. Note: only implement this rule after the first rule has been seen through in full.

Rule Number Three: Everyone with a terrible or promising future in the field of Robotics must immediatley go to work on making a human-imitating robot. Not just any human-imitating robot, however. Only one that is stronger, faster, more intelligent, and more in touch with their true selves will do. In short, one that surpasses us in every way imaginable. That way they can team up with the Rule Number Two Zombies, and wreak totally awesome havok on our world.

There it is. My three new rules. I know is seems difficult, but I believe we can make this dream come true. And by dream, I mean the hope of seeing George Lucas and an undead Albert Einstein warding off countless swarms of robo-zombies with lightsabers.

I don’t need much when it comes to talent. I mean, I’m a star athlete, I’m a ladies-magnet, and I can take a car apart and put it back together blind-folded and with my head tied behind my back. Oh, and I can tie my head behind my back.

Actually, I’m going to be honest with you: I can’t do any of those things. Although I am a tad magnetic, but I seem to only attract junk food. For some reason, I also repel anything that belongs in a gym. Of course, that means I would be repelling myself…oh! But, I digress. The point is that I am not a very talented person. As a matter of fact, when I applied for America’s Got Talent, they told me I was a foreigner, and sent me across the pond to Sweden. So, what do I ask for in order to compensate for this lack of skillz? Not much: Simply the ability to manipulate the mystical energy referred to as The Force.

Now, if you’ve been living with your head stuck in the proverbial sand, you may not know what the Force is. But, if you have been exposed to anything that doesn’t look like the inside of a beach, you’ve probably seen a Star Wars movie, and are familiar with what I’m referring to. And, considering the fact that most people with their head in sand don’t have access to the inter-nets, I’m going to assume that everyone who is reading this blog as, in fact, seen a Star Wars movie and is familiar with what I’m referring to.

So, why do I want the power to manipulate the Force and bend it to my will? Well I can control minds, send enitre Star Destroyers careening into the ground, and perhaps most importantly, I can bring the T.V. remote to my hand without ever leaving my easy chair. Who wouldn’t want that kind of power? With the Force, I’d have every advantage over every athlete in the world. I could dunk a basketball, and do it jumping from half-court. Who’d stop me? And I could draw the ladies to me better than any “magnet” could. Just drag her to my vicinity, throw a little mind trick her way, and she thinks I’m the most charming guy she’s ever met. And finally, I literally COULD take a car apart and put it back together without using my eyes. Or hands, head, feet, and ears.

So there you have it. The Force is the only thing that can redeem me. If I managed to make this a reality, those dream-crushing cronies at America’s Got Talent would be begging me to be on the show! Then, I could come back to the Land of the Brave and Home of the Talented. Although, I would miss these Swedish meatballs covered in lingonberry jam…mmmhmmhmmm, good stuff.

Bleak. Cold. Depressing. Lifeless. What am I describing, America? I’m describing Winter. But, then again, I can understand why people love this time of year. There’s something about the annual death of Mother Nature that really gets me going each morning. I wake up shaking, thankful to have made it through the frigid night, look out my window to the gray and overcast sky, and greet all of the lively wildlife…oh wait. I forgot. Everything is either perpetually asleep or dead. My mistake. So I get dressed, making sure to put on at least seven layers of clothing, take my daily spoonful of hate (cough syrup) and walk out of the door.

Think about it. Why do you think we have so many holidays during winter? Because without them, we would lose our minds before Spring rolls around. We need a tree-full of free stuff, a late night party, and mounds of chocolate just to make it through this terrible excuse of a “wonderland”. Wonderland as in, “I wonder when this horrific nightmare is going to end?!” Zing!

Do you smell that? That scent is a new season of bloggery. Let its fresh aroma waft into your nostrils, singing its glorious praise of pointless writing exercises to you. Savor it, because soon you will decide that you really don’t care to read these blogs any longer, and that scent will be lost to you. But deep, deep in the cob-webbed corners of your very soul, you will always remember what a new blog smells like.

Now that all of the formalities are out of the way, let us begin. Over the years, one question has ravaged mankind, causing horrific wars, horrible conquests, massive bloodshed, and some pretty bad wedgies. No one seems clear on it; many experts disagree entirely. What is this question, you ask? It’s as simple as this: What is a nerd? What is a geek? And are they even different to begin with? I know, I know, that’s technically three questions. But if you even thought about raising that objection, you’re probably a pretty big geek.

Let me explain. Or at least, give you my take on the Nerd vs. Geek War. I am of the opinion that nerds and geeks are very much two different races of people. I’ve done years of research, and have managed to boil down the two groups to a definable level. I believe that nerds are such because of their love for fantasy, books, fantasy books, sci-fi, sci-fi books, and, in general, story-telling. They are the ones you see lining up outside Barnes and Noble in order to get the latest Star Wars comic book. I know, right? What nerds.

Geeks, on the other hand, have a very different passion. Their one true love is technology. They have to have the latest computer, the most up-to-date software, the newest gadget that can plunge a toilet while playing mp3s, and so on and so forth. They know everything about computer technology and how to use it. They can set up a wireless network, defragment your hardrive, and change your IP address, and do it all without breaking a sweat. Sound like a familiar business? Well it is: the Geek Squad.

Well, there you have it. Two very different groups, unfairly categorized as one large bunch of losers. We must end this large group stereotyping. Instead, we can stereotype both groups individually! Doesn’t that sound like a much better world to live in?

When seeing a preview of Speed Racer for the first time, I’ll have to say I was a little skeptical. Would it live up to my expectations of what Speed Racer should be? Or would it tarnish the good name of Speed, ruining what the cartoon had created? Either way, I had to find out for myself.

In eager anticipation, I awaited the movie. The days slowly crept by. Finally, the movie arrived. Despite all of my efforts to get my friends to go see it, the naysayers said nay. They would not partake on this journey of Speed with me. Except for Rob, but he’s ugly. So I went to my theater, and asked for a ticket to Speed Racer. I walked into the theater sweating bullets. What is going to happen? DON’T LET ME DOWN SPEED! DONT’ LET ME DOWN!!!!

The rest, as they say, is lightning fast history. The movie lived up to my expectations and then some, all while traveling at 400 miles an hour. The special effects were incredible, the races were phenomenal, the colors were vibrant. Two-thirds of the way through, I was well pleased with the movie. Then, my head exploded. Well done Speed. Well done, indeed.

I recently had the pleasure of going to Hawaii. It’s a wonderful country full of exotic locales, wonderful beaches, and bad food. And Japanese people. I managed to have a good time, even though most people there were moping about, complaining about their circumstances. “Why do I have to be in Hawaii?” they moaned. “I would much rather be somewhere exciting, like Missouri!” But not I. No, I managed to stay positive about my situation, despite all of the down-trodden faces milling around. I can’t really blame them though. I mean, between the beautiful beaches with sparkling waters, the wonderful weather that greeted you with a smiling sun each day, and the endless supply of cheap souveniers, who could have a good time?

For this blog’s topic, I have obviously decided to write about the annual Buzz-a-thon. Our other blog choice was to write about our anticipation for our upcoming trip to the country of Hawaii. (Yes, that was intentional. Just trying to keep you on your toes!) But seeing as how I’ll have plenty to write about after we return to the land of Springfield, I shall wait, and write about the Buzz-a-Then. Because it is no longer a Buzz-a-Now.

This year’s Bake-a-Tart went fairly smoothly in my opinion. (But what do I know, honestly?) The only major technical problem that plagued the entire duration of the show was the Roving Reporter camera. It continually taunted us with its bad connection, working well enough one minute, and then deciding to “take five”, as those crazy movie people say, the next. (What are they taking five of anyway? And can I have some, because that camera seemed to enjoy it. Not that I follow an inanimate objects lead or anything…)

There was plenty of fun and frolic to be had during the epic Buy-One-Time as well. There was pancake making the first hour (which were delicious, props to Rachel and Kendra), plenty of musical acts starring Charles McDonald, and other crazy times provided by alumni such as Tyler Snodgrass and the great Brook Linder. Rob Lyons and I hosted hour number Who Cares, starting at Don’t Ask and ending at Thank Goodness. A few people laughed, but I think 11 out of 10 of those people were drunk. The rest wished they were.

All in all, or some in some, the annual Break-a-Tail was a lot of fun and, more importantly, raked in some money. I am looking forward to next year, and hope it will somehow manage to be better than this year’s Brain-a-Think. Although I’m not sure that is manageable, possible, or plausible.

My experience during the annual trip to the STN convention in Anaheim, California was most enjoyable. Besides the fact that we won first place in the music video contest, and won the Sweet Sixteen challenge, and earned the STN Excellence award, it was very, very fun. I had a week-long break from school, which is always a positive thing. And although I’ll need to get back to work in order to recover at least a tiny fraction of the countless dollars I was forced to shell out during the trip, a break from work was also welcomed. (Okay, so I wasn’t exactly forced to spend $35 dollars on one meal….but it was delicious!) And in my opinion the biggest perk was getting away from the less-than-bearable Missouri weather. After spending a week in a 60-70 degree environment and walking around in shorts, it was an unexpected and extremely aggravating shock to come home to 5 degree weather and ice on the roads. Despicable!!! Disappointing!!! Disgusting!!! Depressing!!! Dumb-Dumb!!! Any other word that starts with a D and expresses my negative feelings towards cold weather!!!!!

But one of the most memorable times I had was the day spent in Disneyland. I had previously gone to Disney World in my younger days (which is slightly larger and, in my opinion, slightly better), but I still had plenty of fun in the Land of Disney. I didn’t realize there were so many similarities between the two parks. Memories came flooding back to me as I road some of my favorite rides from yesteryear. I was able to enjoy the Tower of Terror, Space Mountain, Pirates of the Carribean, and countless others all over again. And instead of annoying brothers, I was able to enjoy it with my friends. It was, for lack of a better word, magical. Although the fact that there isn’t a better word saddens me greatly.

**If you start to read this and begin to wonder aloud to yourself, “Why am I reading this crap?” please read my disclaimer on the bottom of this post before continuing. Thank you for your cooperation.

I love to watch movies. If I could, I would go see one every weekend. I like all kinds of movies, too. Action-packed ones, who-dun-its, comedies, you name it, I’ll watch it. So I’ve decided to enlighten you on some of the latest films I’ve viewed, and what I think about each one. And remember, this is just my opinion.

One movie I went to see over Christmas break was National Treasure Two: The Book of Secrets. I enjoyed this movie thoroughly. It was chock-full of action, with some clue-finding thrown in, and a few laughs to keep it all rolling. It had an interesting story line, and one that can be easily followed by even the most average of Joes. It’s tough to be a successful movie when you have to follow behind the first National Treasure, but I think that this sequel did a good job of keeping to the treasure hunting formula. There were plenty of clues, a bad guy after the booty, and plenty of little historical tid-bits for your consumption. While I don’t think it’s quite as good as the original, it still lives up to the National Treasure name.

Another movie I went to see recently was I Am Legend. This was, in my opinion, an excellent movie. It’s about a man who is immune to an extremely contagious disease that turns its victims into savage, violent creatures who are harmed by sunlight. He appears to be the only person left in all of New York and, quite possibly, the entire world. He and his dog must survive each day (and night), while hoping to some day find a cure. I was quite pleased with this movie. It had some extremely suspenseful, edge-of-your-seat moments, some action, and a great story. I don’t know if I would say it’s the best movie ever made, but it has its merits and is worth a few bucks and a couple of hours.

**I sincerely apologize on account of this blog being so dull. I simply wrote a make-up journal for English (curse my 93%!!!!) and copied it on to this post. Yes I know, I am a lazy good-for-nothing. But why not kill two birds with one stone? Or in this case, two pointless writing assignments with one pointless writing assignment?

What? People write for T.V.? I thought the whole point of television was to avoid writing and reading? Apparently there has been some sort of disagreement about who gets paid for what (who has time for details?), and in order to get what they want, the writers refuse to write. At first glance, this may not seem all that important. But after channel surfing for a few minutes I realized that reruns have slowly crept into the system. What has happened to all of the shows I know and love? Even the ones that are still playing new episodes are slowly running out of fresh material. Lets just say that those mysterious T.V. writers suddenly seemed a whole lot more important.

One of the biggest disappointments that I have experienced is the lack of new episodes for the Daily Show and Colbert Report. What am I going to do without their witty comments about today’s political happenings? And apparently their writer’s witty comments as well? They have resorted to showing reruns of their “best of” episodes. Their best celebrity interviews. Their hottest interviews. Their hottest celebrity interviews. Been there, seen those. And what are people going to do without all of those shows they spend hours and hours following, sacrificing quality time with their friends and family to enjoy? (Shut that baby up, I’m watching the season finale of CSI: Lunar Vice!!!) And yes, that was a prediction that there will be a CSI on the moon, due to a lack of new cities. It will eventually happen.

I mean, do the writers in Hollywood really want all of us common folk to miss out on their creative genius, all because of a simple misunderstanding? I hope they don’t want us to lose some of the few things that bring us true happiness in life. They need to kiss and make up (figuratively of course) so we can go back to the way things were, and bring us out of these rerun dark ages. Because that kind of world sounds like a dreary place to live in indeed. And surely the writers don’t want to be the cause of that.