When seeing a preview of Speed Racer for the first time, I’ll have to say I was a little skeptical. Would it live up to my expectations of what Speed Racer should be? Or would it tarnish the good name of Speed, ruining what the cartoon had created? Either way, I had to find out for myself.

In eager anticipation, I awaited the movie. The days slowly crept by. Finally, the movie arrived. Despite all of my efforts to get my friends to go see it, the naysayers said nay. They would not partake on this journey of Speed with me. Except for Rob, but he’s ugly. So I went to my theater, and asked for a ticket to Speed Racer. I walked into the theater sweating bullets. What is going to happen? DON’T LET ME DOWN SPEED! DONT’ LET ME DOWN!!!!

The rest, as they say, is lightning fast history. The movie lived up to my expectations and then some, all while traveling at 400 miles an hour. The special effects were incredible, the races were phenomenal, the colors were vibrant. Two-thirds of the way through, I was well pleased with the movie. Then, my head exploded. Well done Speed. Well done, indeed.

I recently had the pleasure of going to Hawaii. It’s a wonderful country full of exotic locales, wonderful beaches, and bad food. And Japanese people. I managed to have a good time, even though most people there were moping about, complaining about their circumstances. “Why do I have to be in Hawaii?” they moaned. “I would much rather be somewhere exciting, like Missouri!” But not I. No, I managed to stay positive about my situation, despite all of the down-trodden faces milling around. I can’t really blame them though. I mean, between the beautiful beaches with sparkling waters, the wonderful weather that greeted you with a smiling sun each day, and the endless supply of cheap souveniers, who could have a good time?

For this blog’s topic, I have obviously decided to write about the annual Buzz-a-thon. Our other blog choice was to write about our anticipation for our upcoming trip to the country of Hawaii. (Yes, that was intentional. Just trying to keep you on your toes!) But seeing as how I’ll have plenty to write about after we return to the land of Springfield, I shall wait, and write about the Buzz-a-Then. Because it is no longer a Buzz-a-Now.

This year’s Bake-a-Tart went fairly smoothly in my opinion. (But what do I know, honestly?) The only major technical problem that plagued the entire duration of the show was the Roving Reporter camera. It continually taunted us with its bad connection, working well enough one minute, and then deciding to “take five”, as those crazy movie people say, the next. (What are they taking five of anyway? And can I have some, because that camera seemed to enjoy it. Not that I follow an inanimate objects lead or anything…)

There was plenty of fun and frolic to be had during the epic Buy-One-Time as well. There was pancake making the first hour (which were delicious, props to Rachel and Kendra), plenty of musical acts starring Charles McDonald, and other crazy times provided by alumni such as Tyler Snodgrass and the great Brook Linder. Rob Lyons and I hosted hour number Who Cares, starting at Don’t Ask and ending at Thank Goodness. A few people laughed, but I think 11 out of 10 of those people were drunk. The rest wished they were.

All in all, or some in some, the annual Break-a-Tail was a lot of fun and, more importantly, raked in some money. I am looking forward to next year, and hope it will somehow manage to be better than this year’s Brain-a-Think. Although I’m not sure that is manageable, possible, or plausible.

My experience during the annual trip to the STN convention in Anaheim, California was most enjoyable. Besides the fact that we won first place in the music video contest, and won the Sweet Sixteen challenge, and earned the STN Excellence award, it was very, very fun. I had a week-long break from school, which is always a positive thing. And although I’ll need to get back to work in order to recover at least a tiny fraction of the countless dollars I was forced to shell out during the trip, a break from work was also welcomed. (Okay, so I wasn’t exactly forced to spend $35 dollars on one meal….but it was delicious!) And in my opinion the biggest perk was getting away from the less-than-bearable Missouri weather. After spending a week in a 60-70 degree environment and walking around in shorts, it was an unexpected and extremely aggravating shock to come home to 5 degree weather and ice on the roads. Despicable!!! Disappointing!!! Disgusting!!! Depressing!!! Dumb-Dumb!!! Any other word that starts with a D and expresses my negative feelings towards cold weather!!!!!

But one of the most memorable times I had was the day spent in Disneyland. I had previously gone to Disney World in my younger days (which is slightly larger and, in my opinion, slightly better), but I still had plenty of fun in the Land of Disney. I didn’t realize there were so many similarities between the two parks. Memories came flooding back to me as I road some of my favorite rides from yesteryear. I was able to enjoy the Tower of Terror, Space Mountain, Pirates of the Carribean, and countless others all over again. And instead of annoying brothers, I was able to enjoy it with my friends. It was, for lack of a better word, magical. Although the fact that there isn’t a better word saddens me greatly.

**If you start to read this and begin to wonder aloud to yourself, “Why am I reading this crap?” please read my disclaimer on the bottom of this post before continuing. Thank you for your cooperation.

I love to watch movies. If I could, I would go see one every weekend. I like all kinds of movies, too. Action-packed ones, who-dun-its, comedies, you name it, I’ll watch it. So I’ve decided to enlighten you on some of the latest films I’ve viewed, and what I think about each one. And remember, this is just my opinion.

One movie I went to see over Christmas break was National Treasure Two: The Book of Secrets. I enjoyed this movie thoroughly. It was chock-full of action, with some clue-finding thrown in, and a few laughs to keep it all rolling. It had an interesting story line, and one that can be easily followed by even the most average of Joes. It’s tough to be a successful movie when you have to follow behind the first National Treasure, but I think that this sequel did a good job of keeping to the treasure hunting formula. There were plenty of clues, a bad guy after the booty, and plenty of little historical tid-bits for your consumption. While I don’t think it’s quite as good as the original, it still lives up to the National Treasure name.

Another movie I went to see recently was I Am Legend. This was, in my opinion, an excellent movie. It’s about a man who is immune to an extremely contagious disease that turns its victims into savage, violent creatures who are harmed by sunlight. He appears to be the only person left in all of New York and, quite possibly, the entire world. He and his dog must survive each day (and night), while hoping to some day find a cure. I was quite pleased with this movie. It had some extremely suspenseful, edge-of-your-seat moments, some action, and a great story. I don’t know if I would say it’s the best movie ever made, but it has its merits and is worth a few bucks and a couple of hours.

**I sincerely apologize on account of this blog being so dull. I simply wrote a make-up journal for English (curse my 93%!!!!) and copied it on to this post. Yes I know, I am a lazy good-for-nothing. But why not kill two birds with one stone? Or in this case, two pointless writing assignments with one pointless writing assignment?

What? People write for T.V.? I thought the whole point of television was to avoid writing and reading? Apparently there has been some sort of disagreement about who gets paid for what (who has time for details?), and in order to get what they want, the writers refuse to write. At first glance, this may not seem all that important. But after channel surfing for a few minutes I realized that reruns have slowly crept into the system. What has happened to all of the shows I know and love? Even the ones that are still playing new episodes are slowly running out of fresh material. Lets just say that those mysterious T.V. writers suddenly seemed a whole lot more important.

One of the biggest disappointments that I have experienced is the lack of new episodes for the Daily Show and Colbert Report. What am I going to do without their witty comments about today’s political happenings? And apparently their writer’s witty comments as well? They have resorted to showing reruns of their “best of” episodes. Their best celebrity interviews. Their hottest interviews. Their hottest celebrity interviews. Been there, seen those. And what are people going to do without all of those shows they spend hours and hours following, sacrificing quality time with their friends and family to enjoy? (Shut that baby up, I’m watching the season finale of CSI: Lunar Vice!!!) And yes, that was a prediction that there will be a CSI on the moon, due to a lack of new cities. It will eventually happen.

I mean, do the writers in Hollywood really want all of us common folk to miss out on their creative genius, all because of a simple misunderstanding? I hope they don’t want us to lose some of the few things that bring us true happiness in life. They need to kiss and make up (figuratively of course) so we can go back to the way things were, and bring us out of these rerun dark ages. Because that kind of world sounds like a dreary place to live in indeed. And surely the writers don’t want to be the cause of that.

Really? Another blog? Did I not just do one of these things a couple weeks ago? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the agreement I put my Herbie Hancock on specifically stated that I must write one blog per month. So, if we’re speaking technically, I am not required to write this at all. I mean, you can’t just force creativity out of a mind like the last bit of toothpaste frustratingly squeezed from the tube because you were too absent-minded, lazy, or dirt poor to go get another one. (But honestly, can you be too poor for toothpaste? If you are that low on the dough, you probably aren’t worried about how white your smile is anyway.) But, I will try my hardest to write this blog to the best of my ability, because apparently signed legal documents aren’t really much of a concern to anyone (such as syllabuses). (Or syllibi).

And what is with these topics? New rules? Best meal ever? Am I really expected to write about food that I found pleasing once upon a time? I think not. I would rather not write about a scrumptous pork dinner I enjoyed, served with a side of caviar (forgive me for not being wealthy enough to spell that) and a glass of the Bubbly, thank you very much. Over looking the fact that I just did what I said I didn’t want to do by saying that I didn’t want to do it, I will move on, and write about a topic of my own choosing. Because man has the ability to choose things. And I am a man.

I have decided to write about a game. A game called Halo. Halo is a first-person shooter for the Xbox 360, chock-full of violence directed at alien races bent on mankind’s destruction sometime in the distant future (the year 2552 to be precise). You are a biologically augmented supersoldier, bred for combat and built for war. Although you are part of the best fighting force ever mustered, you are somehow the last of your kind. (Isn’t that ironic? Or coincidental, I never could figure out which is which.) I cannot do the story justice in such a small space, so I will not attempt to tell you everything. Get over it. But I will tell you that this game has burned more hours of my life than the sun has burned Dutch people thinking they’ll have a jolly ole time on the beach, but alas, they forgot the sunscreen. Between the one-player and online multiplayer, there isn’t much time for any kind of social life. It gets extremely competitive online (I just pwned you, n00b!!) and it keeps track of how well you do, giving you rankings and the like. I am currently working my way to becoming a lieutenant, grade three. The one-player has a great story, like I’ve already said, rivaling some of the best I’ve seen or read. It is a story of honor and sacrifice, glory and hope. It is also very satisfactory to play, and keeps you hooked until the end. About three times over.

I hope you have enjoyed this non-meal oriented blog. And are inspired to buy Halo One, Two, and Three, and spend as much time being humanity’s last hope as I have. –”A hero need not speak. When he is gone, the world will speak for him”–

I’d rather not talk about any embarrassing moments in my life. Its so…what is word? Embarrassing. But due to the fact that I’m being graded for this (and I’d rather not go beneath any kind of surface, figurative or otherwise) I will force myself to relive some of the worst episodes in my life. The ones stored away in the darkest corner of the office space that is my mind (how about that analogy eh?), in the filing cabinet that no one goes near because some unknown creature is living in it and it smells vaguely like old hot pockets. The tale I’ve decided to tell is filled with laughter, tears, passionate fury, and nudity. Those of you weak of heart should not read on.

It was a bright and sunny day. I was in the twelfth year of my life, and it was sweet, sweet summer time. A time for popsicles offered to you by creepy old men, sleeping in, and of course swimming. On this particular day my family and I made plans to go swimming at my friend Christian’s house. (Who is also an illegal mexican immigrant, but that’s another story). I hope I didn’t offend anyone with the word mexican. Or immigrant. And I suppose I could take the effort to capitalize Mexican. But is it really necessary? The three people who would be offended by that probably don’t read this blog. Or speak english. But I digress, and back to the story. I was having a smashing time in the pool, and was having an excellent day altogether. I then decided to get out of the water and go ask my mother a question. (What that question actually was is irrelevant to the story, and I can’t remember anyways, so get over it). As I was standing in front of all of the adults, which included my parents, Christian’s parents, another set of parents, my grandparents and about 500,000 other people (may be a slight exaggeration). (Just thought I’d clarify for those of you who are confused). (I’m doing that thing with the parenthases again aren’t I?) (And now I’ve completely lost my train of thought so I’m going to start a new paragraph and regroup).

Anywho, there I was in front of all those big, scary grown ups. And little did I know, my older brother had snuck up behind me. He then proceeded to (can you guess what’s coming up?) yank my swim suit to the ground. I was exposed in all of my prebubescent, natural glory. I was so shocked that I didn’t think to react. They had the full view of my (insert slang word for male private parts here) for a whole 5 seconds. Which is an incredibly long time to be naked in front of an audience, believe you me. Whether the adults were repulsed at my nakedness, amused at the prank, or impressed at how…well you know, nice of a day it was outside, I will never know. What I do know is that after I covered up my shameful nudity, I was filled with complete embarrassment. I wanted to cry. In fact, I did cry. And then I was overcome by a righteous fury the world had never seen the likes of. I wanted nothing better than to force my brother to watch puppies being tortured for the rest of eternity. But I didn’t have that kind of power, or that many puppies, so instead I opted to chase after him and hurt him in whatever way I could. After several minutes of the chasing bit, I realized that I couldn’t catch him. Well, now my embarressment was two fold, because everyone watched me fail to get my revenge. And saw me naked. I then decided to go into my parent’s car and cry in solitude until it was time to leave. It scarred me for the rest of my life. But I did learn one thing that fateful day: That its okay to cry, son. Its okay to cry.

Hmm….my favorite story eh? I’ve never really given that much thought before. Well if we’re talking about any kind of story, with no preference between fiction and non-fiction (does that hyphen go there?) (Is that how you spell hyphen?) (Is this an unnecessary use of parenthases?) or written and video stories, I would say that Star Wars is the best story ever told in this galaxy (or theirs) with the Harry Potter series in close second. The books, mind you, not the movies. Well, the Star Wars movies and books, but just the books in Harry Potter’s case. Now that that’s clarified, I’ll tell you why.

Star Wars is the best story ever told because it has so much to it. Over the course of the six movies, you see themes of love, betrayal, friendship, honor, duty, the lust for power, and of course the never-ending battle between good and evil. The movies create a sense of human fallibility, but it also shows that people can change for the better, and that all people can make the right decisions. And honestly, can you top anything with swords made of pure light energy that can cut you in half with one fell swoop? I think not.

Harry Potter comes in second place due to its lack of lightsabers, and the fact that Star Wars is simply unbeatable. But it is an excellent series of books nonetheless, and a great story. I read the 7th and final installment of this epic series just this summer (after reading through 1-6 again of course). Words cannot describe how completely mind-blowingly awesome it was. Call me a nerd, but I don’t care. The Harry Potter saga was ended with perfection in the Deathly Hallows. I laughed, I cried, I just about wet myself on more than one occasion. The entire series is some of the best reading in the world (muggle or wizard).

And there you have it. The best stories ever to be brought forth from the swirling cosmos of mankind’s imagination. Or any other imagination that is out there.